Fucking annoyed

I'm so fucking annoyed and pissed.
went to go get chemo today, everything for the day started off fine. But when i brought down the bloodwork, my counts were too low. My whiteblood count was at 3000 and my gromules or whatever the hell they're called were at 1000 which is way to low I guess. So no chemo, i have to come back on Tuesday to get it. I got a Neupogen shot while i was there and on Sunday I have to give myself a shot. We'll see how that goes, but if i don't i'm afraid that the counts will still be too low on tuesday. Whats really more annoying than anything is that I was there a week ago, the counts were a little low but the doc wasn't worried, so he decided that I didn't need the neupogen. They are now being cautious with it becuase of the link between it and Bleo being bad for you. Find drop of the Bleo give me the neupogen cause obviously I need the friggin stuff.
Grrr with only 4 more to go, I'd like to get them all on time please and like to be able to go off to MS for Thanksgiving, instead of people coming here. Grrrrrrr, just very annoyed. I'm sure Tuesday will be fine but I don't want to wait.
And now after watching the Food Network I was a big ole piece of steak!

doc visit today

Met up with the oncologist today, just for a check on the blood work and see how I am. I said i got weird aches and he said its just the chemo. Which i knew. It's like the weird aches I had back in the beginning of all this lol from the first chemo.
My blood work though they said looked really good and no nuepogen shot for me. They'll just check it again next friday before chemo and if I need it then I'll get the shot. So probably around the second to last chemo I might get another pet scan to just be sure we are ending at 6 cycles and not continueing to 8. Then sounds like off to visit with a radiation oncologist to determine if they feel I should get rads or not. Rads are a little bit of a harder thing to digest. Side effects that could pop up years down the road are possible lung or breast cancer or luekemia.So it's not really on my top list of things to too. But I chatted with my nurse Geri and she said the risk of a luekemia is generally associated to long term radiation, like months of radiation where i guess mine would probably be a couple to a few weeks, i'm guessing.But the up side to it is that having it done in connection with chemo does seem to put the odds more in my favor of not having a recurrance. Also Geri said that being classical hodgkins nodular sclerosing at stage 2A is a good thing and has like a 90% survival. though I think i remember my doc way back in March sayin the percentages were like 75% and then I read online its like 85%. Now neither of those do i know if they are Hodgkins in general or specific to stage 2a.
so thats what I know

Ton of Bricks

Man the chemo i got last friday has hit me like a ton of bricks. I've been so tired this past week. Either not going to work or coming and going back home. crazy tired. And on top of that my back is hurting. I have no idea what i did to it. The only thing I can think of is maybe sitting oddly at the baseball game. But that was Sunday and it's almost friday and still hurting! I went to the chiropractor today, helped for a couple hours but it's startin to ache again. I go back to the onc tomorrow for a blood check and probably get a neupogen shot. Here's hopin the back gets better and I'm more awake next week!

Batter Up!

Went and saw a baseball game today.Saw the Yankees vs. Tigers. Ok since I'm from MI i love my Detroit Tigers but man.....the only had like one good inning. Whatever, not like I really follow the sport that much anyways lol But it was a fun afternoon. Was sooo tired though towards the end of it. We left in the 8th inning, good thing we got to sit on the subway instead of stand and being crushed like sardines!

Oh, I asked the pharmacist today about the 'limitations exceeded' on the Kytril. She said that they only give it out in limited quantities because it's expensive. But seriously to only give me two at a time. Thats just crazy. At least give me four and get me through chemo night and the whole next day and not just half of it lol.
I ended up taking a Zofran late lastnight. So gross. I tried to have amouth full of water to let it dissolve under my tongue faster and then just ended up swallowing it back quickly. Fake berry is soooooo nasty. I'll pay $100 for 8 pills of Kytril at once if I never have to let that gross berry flavor dissolve in my mouth again! But after Oct 14, i won't have to worry about that any more. yay!

Let the count down begin, 4 treatments left, oct 14 is the last yay!

Woooohooooo results!!!!

Got my midway point Pet and CT Scan results today. News is great!!!
here's the stats (keep in mind the size of a normal lymphnode is 1cmx1cm)
I had 4 lymphnodes that lit up on the PEt scan and were enlarged. Lit up means they show hypermetabolic activity (cancer) this was back in march.
Current Scans
The previously noted hypermetablock activity in the lymphadenopathy of in the neck and chest has resolved. The size of the lymph nodes on thh CT images has decreased.
measurement of the left internal jugular lymph node is the base left of the neck currently measures 1x1.1cm...previously was 2.5x2.2cm
measurement of the left supraclavicular lymph node currently measures 2.1x1cm ...previously was 2.7x1.6cm
measurement of teh right paratracheal lymph node currently measures 1.4x1.1cm...previoulsy was 3.7x3.4cm
and measurement of the anterior mediastinal lymph node currently measures 1.6x1.5cm...previously measured 5.8x2.9cm

Other than some mypermetabolci foci in the pelvis (this is most likely physiologic in a patient of my age so no worries) there is no evidence of abnormal hypermetabolic activity! No evidence of new enlarged lymphadenopathy in either side of the neck.
There is no evidence of new enlarged mediastinal, nilar or axillary lymphadenopathy. No pleural or pericardial effusions are noted.
Exam of the lung parenchyma shows no evidence of suspicious pulmonary noduel or infiltrats. So all good
Spleen, pancreas, kidney, and adrenals are all unremarkable (thats good!).


So yay all looks good, looks like no more cancer activity, it's outta here and all the nodes are shrinking!!!

I'l continue treatment. Got #8 today. Even started feeling a little off during treatment. Got new anti nauseau meds, but because my zofran had a big refill number on it, my insurance denied it so i paid $25 for two pills! ah!!! have to figure out how to cancel that other drug! it's icky!
I've got 4 more treatments left to go and then another scan to make sure things are still good and gone!!!!

Also wanted to give a shout out and a big thanks to everyone who's been sending good/great thoughts, vibes and prayers!!! Thank you!!!!

So that my good news!
have a great weekend!!

anxiety

Had a hard till getting to sleep yesterday. I had this intense itchy thing happening. Which turned out to be a yeast infection from a big course of antibiotics for the strep. But once a little seed of doubt gets in ones head thats all it takes. I couldn't help but think, what if this is the hodge itch! What happens then if you get the sympton of hodgkins disease in the middle of treatment just becuase you missed a treatment. ugh, that so sucked! But with the help of lovely ativan i finally fell sleep. Still was wiggin this morning. Finally called a doc for an appt and luckily got in today and he gave me some drugs said it's just a yeast infection. yay!! Calmness settled in. so hopefully tonight will be a little bit more restful.
I'll find out the results of the Pet Scan tomorrow.....fingers crossed everybody!

Scan results to come Friday

Went to get my PET and CT scans lastnight. I rushed on over there since my appt was at 6:30 i didn't want to keep them waiting. They said they could't use the port because of the CT scan so they first went after a tiny vein at the outer side of the crook in my right arm. Weird. And of course he had to dig to find it. He got it in there but when he went to flush it it stung! So he took it out and went for a bigger vein in the underside of the forearm. Got it on the first shot. Hello..... why not start at that spot in the first place? Now I got a bruise, ok it's little but it's gross looking. Looks more like a hickey lol. Where he ended up is just a slight bruise, very light. The PET took 5 minutes, the CT took 25min. I ended up dozing off a little bit, thought i might have moved too much, ya know when you jolt awake lol. Guess not.
Anyways, I'll get the results of the scans on Friday before I get my chemo treatment. Here's hopin for great results!
Oh and catch Crazy Sexy Cancer on TLC on August 29th at 9pm or Aug 30 at midnight!
You can also visit www.crazysexycancer.com

Good news!!! Yay

Went to the Onc today. Throat looks good. Since I haven't had my chemo we are going forward with the PET/CT scans tomorrow night and finally get to see what kind of improvement we have goin on in there!!! yay!! i'm excited. Well excited and scared (ok any musical lovers out there, what line is that from) hah. Scared cause well, what if there's no improvement, that would suck. But just excited to finally have it done and see whats happening!

Had a good weekend. Watched an oldie but a goodie on DVD, Romancing The Stone. Ah a young Michael Douglas bounding down hilltops, fighting with alligators. Ah a young Kathleen Turner, trouncing around the rainforests in heels, being all nieve. And in a small roll but always fun in whatever she does.... Holland Taylor!

Took a walk outside yesterday. There was a streetfair happening up and down my street. Didn't buy anything, it's always the same old junk. But it's fun to walk it and grab a lemonade or grilled corn on the cob!

So thats all I got for ya so far today!

Interesting article on Hodgkins

Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Harvard researchers identify treatment target in Hodgkin lymphoma
By Elizabeth Cooney, Globe Correspondent

Hodgkin lymphoma tumors are a paradox. In tumors that can grow as large as baseballs, only a small fraction of the tumor is made up of cancer cells – about 5 percent – but they are surrounded by the patient’s normal immune cells. Something keeps the immune cells from attacking the cancer cells they vastly outnumber.

Harvard researchers will report later this week in the online Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences that they have identified a protein that acts like the tumor’s bodyguard. Called galectin-1, it disables the immune cells, a discovery they believe will lead to better diagnosis and treatment of the blood cancer that usually strikes young adults.

"The reason we think this may turn out to be very important from a clinical perspective is it suggests if you could neutralize the galectin-1 that is being secreted by the Hodgkin lymphoma cells, then you would have a very good chance at re-regulating or reinstalling an effective immune response in Hodgkin lymphoma," Dr. Margaret A. Shipp of Harvard Medical School and the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute said in an interview. "We think this may have relevance in other tumors."

The protein is already showing promise as a way to identify tumors as Hodgkin lymphomas as opposed to other types of lymphoma, the paper suggests. Previous work in mice has shown that galectin-1 can also be produced by tumors in melanoma.

Shipp and her colleagues are working on generating an antibody to neutralize galectin-1 that would be an attractive alternative to the chemotherapy and radiation used to treat Hodgkin lymphoma.

"This is a fascinating paper from a big-picture perspective because we are increasingly learning that the immune system is often involved in cancer formation and it can be stimulated to be part of cancer treatment," said Deborah Banker of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, which is funding the research going forward. "It seems that in general none of us might ever get cancer if the immune system were better at finding the very first cancer cells and eradicated them before they had a chance to multiply."

Yay

Yay my throat is reducing in swelling. It's gonna get kind of gross here but, this morning some big chunk of something that was stuck in my tonsil (hardened puss, old food who knows what it was) came flyin out. AFter that the tonsil suddenly reduced in size and no longer felt like a piece of popcorn stuck in the back of my mouth!
OH yay sweet Jesus, I have relief!!!!
Now, Monday hopefully they'll either say o for chemo or just wait till friday. i'd rather they say ok just go down and get it and then reset my days to that. But I guess it's wait and see till then.
OH and Jon thanks for the comment, couldn't leave one on yours but hopefully you'll read this and know i got it and appreciate the visit!

it's a rainy day here in the big apple. But oh so much cooler! Lastnight ws beautiful. I enjoyed a lovely walk home from Ruths (voice teacher) and a lovely evening at her place) but that walk was so nice. it was cool and breezy. I can't wait for the fall weather like that!

have a great weekend!

What a commute!!

Well if yesterday was boring, today started off anything but!!
First I woke up at 4:30am with this weird feeling like a buzzing energy runnin through me. Not painful just like a low buzz, very weird. Stayed up for a little while, not long, then back to sleep. Then woke up at 6:30am to the sounds of thunder. Didn't think anything of it, we were expecting storms and the thunder though it was often sounded far enough away, so I just fell back asleep for another hour. Proceeded with my usual, shower, get dressed etc, then went to the bank and the store to pickup some stuff, then saw there was a bus. Great! I'll catch the bus to the subway stop..perfect! And the bus wasn't even that full...even better! Then I started hearing...through my headphone... that the trains weren't running. So I took out a earbud and listend some more. Apparently there was alot more rain then I knew an no trains in Queens were running into Manhattan (has happened before, they flood easily if there's alot of rainfall in a short period of time. Ok no problem, I'll stay on the bus as it goes into Manhattan. It progrossivley got fuller and fuller and more crammed with people. Lucky me I sat down before it got full! yay me! So packed in like sardines we head off over the Queensborough Bridge. We all get kicked out at 58th and 2nd ave. So I think hey no problem i'll walk a couple blocks to the 6 train and take it downtown to work. Apparently that is not an option i found out as all the eastside train lines weren't running even in Manhattan. So lucky me (and many others) I ended up walkin to work. So 32blocks later (and this is short compared to some of the other stories i've heard) and much sweatier, i end up at work. Only took me an hour and a half, not bad. I beat my manager in and the VP. I was in at 9:30, hopped on a conference call that had started at 9:30. But was basically over by the time I got on lol.
Then later today it was off to the oncologists office. Throat still swollen with gunky puss stuff. So got 5 more days of antibiotics and will go back on Monday. No chemo. I'm bummed but I guess I got to let my body heal up. Only question now is, do i get it on monday or just wait till next friday when is my regularly scheduled day and just have skipped a treatment and tack it on at the end. my doc was busy so i saw his associate, but he reviewed everything and I'll see him on Monday. So I guess no chemo news till Monday. Oh that reminds me I have to report my short term hours!

Bored

I'm bored, bored, bored. Sittin at home is very boring. Luckily i have access to work email and that can keep me a little bit occupied. Although I have been getting to watch the travel channel and visit some lovely european cities. Today we went to Helsinki, Finland. Just another place to add to the life list of places to go visit!
I wll probably go to work tomorrow then off to the onc to check the throat. Still feels swollen, looks swollen,a little icky. so I'm guessing that the chemo won't happen, but possibly stronger antibiotics, though I still have no fever (so thats good i guess). Just really want to get back into the chemo regime and get things goin and cured and done done done!

throat coat

Grrrrrrrrrr...... I don't think the antibiotics are working. I try to say a little mantra, ya know, healthy throat healthy throat healthy throat, i'm cured, i'm cured, i'm cured. But so far, my right tonsil is still pretty swollen and looks just the same as it did and it's still a wee sore. this is getting really annoying. I really want to get treatment on wednesday so it doesn't delay it anymore, and get in and get my CT and Pet scans. Guess I just have to wait it out and get more antibiotics or stronger ones.
Tonight....it's lets see who will win Hell's Kitchen.
does anyone read this thing other than Kelly? lol. It's great for me to write this but just curious, not many people comment (thanks kelly and carrie) so I was just curious.
Don't have much else to report, just waitin for the throat to heal up.
Oooohhh and Carrie whats your home email?
ciao

Delayed

My chemo treatment has been delayed due to this stupid strep throat :(
Went to the oncologist today, only to meet the nurse as she was breaking for lunch, who said, "Didn't they call you yesterday?" I said no no one called me. Apparently she told them to call me as my oncologist was out of the office today. Well i went in and spoke to the other nurse who called upstairs to the other doc and I was able to see her. Got my blood drawn, counts were perfectly fine, then saw the other doc in the office. She took a look at the throat and said yep its red and swollen and irritated but not puss-y. thats good it was on wednesday! In the end, I'll go back on Wednesday when i'm done with the antibiotics and if everything looks good I'll get my chemo then. So I'll only be a a few days off instead of a whole week, and then I can go back to my fridays.
I decided to come back home and not be around other peoples germs any longer. and I had a bad start to the day at work with my friggin computer. Stupid excel program kept locking up, makin me crazy. I was swearing at it and everything lol. so i didn't want to go back to that machine today!

Now i'm just chillin at home watchin the travel channel wishin i was in Italy or Armania or Jordan or Scottland :) Can't wait for this stupid cancer stuff to be out of me cause I got places to go coming up over the holidays and places I just want to go to!!!

Oh my goodness

Well what I thought was allergies has now just been identified as strepthroat. The culture will confirm but my GP is fairly certian. Weird things is that I've got no fever and it's realy not very sore, just swollen and red and puss-y. Although maybe that weird bout of stomach stuff a week ago monday was from the virus and it moved down into the stomach?? who knows. But I get some amoxycillin, see the oncologist on friday which would've been my chemo day. Hopefully all the blood work will be fine and he'll say ok and give me the chemo still. I hate to push it back.
Thats the latest scoop. Can't wait till 1:30 and I can go pickup my meds and start taking them!